You try not to stand out or to smell funky but, sometimes you just can’t fight it; you’re a mummy and they know it!
10: You write and sign everything in Sharpie.
9: You have a constant closed mouth/inward yarn/feigning interest/trying to sleep with your eyes open face; it’s like resting bitch face just slightly more moronic.
8: Now always ‘boob’ ready and having to shower/poop with an audience your self awareness is low and your poor Postie has seen way more than either of you would like or ever dare to speak of. Note to self always check your flies and bra before answering the door!
7: You can’t stop yourself from counting the people you’re with as you’re always in a constant, nervous state of fear and worry you’ve forgotten something or someone.
6: You can remember your last donut but, not the last time you’ve ”done it”.
5: Going to the supermarket alone is the closest you get to a night out; it’s all you can do to stop yourself from checking in to Asda on Facebook. Whoop whoop! #freedom #wineaisleselfies #lols #wheredidmycoolgo
4: No one can ever find the TV remote in your home.
3: On the one chance you get to go out or attend a party you some how manage to be the one holding back the ‘sick girls’ hair in the loos. You’re a puke pro and the only person not afraid to get sick on you, plus she’s someones baby girl.
2: You can down a cuppa in 0-5 seconds.
1: You can multi-task the shit out of life; you dinner cooking, breastfeeding, hair plaiting, homework signing, good luck texting, Tesco online shopping, nail clipping, eyebrow tweezing, laundry lumbering, remote control finding super human you!